life is rough

i feel like caging myself up until i finish my sem 1 exam in nov. then, in dec i will be free as a bird. :). okay, i've been counting my days lately. like seriously, ni lagi scary dari exam spm or exam asasi yg i pernah ambik before this. i hate the word repeat, so mintak simpang2 banyak2 sangat. over here is really hard to study i tell you. there's always activities that we need to get ourself involve in. kalau xde activity, msti ade assignment yg merepek2 like reading journals and you need to present them in front of the lecturers. then, they will ask you about the journal that you have read and so on.if you dont know how to answer their question, you'll be penalised. it sucks i tell you. the thing is journal tue dh lar susah nak pham, biochem plak tue. adoi, mmg susah lar. besides journal, i ada reports, another 2 teeth that needs to be carved and plus i need to study for exams. 8subjects in 1 week. HOW GREAT~!

its fun being here actually, friends are great and all. i laugh more than i was in UITM maybe, i guess so. but still everytime that i feel happy, i will feel scared at the same time. life is rough. maybe i just need to bare with it for awhile. my friends said, Allah xkan bagi challenges to us yang kite xleh hadapi. so, maybe this is my faith. :)

due to alot of stresses, my face, owhh, my face. :(. dh byk pimples. benci gile. it must be bcoz of the food or the water or my hormones. damn, i need to blame something. arghhh. bnci btul. :(.

btw, i got some teka teki over here. :D
if darl is a short form for darling.
then sai, is a short form for what?
anyone can answer this. and if you read this i hope you will know the answer to it. :).

xoxoxo~
lots of love. muah. muah.

im so down

tomorrow, im going back to UM. i wish it is easy but it is not. i cant hold back the tears. there's another 2 months more until my exam. and to tell you the truth, im so scared. i never never take any exams yet. not even a quiz. i want to cry. why is the 2 weeks pass so quickly. i dont even get the chance to spend enough time with my parents especially my mom. im seriously gonna miss her. i dont even have time to come back home after another 2 months. OMG~!! like seriously, i wish UM is nearer to home right now. im scared. should i just come back and study at home during the study week? like seriously, im gonna cry before taking the exam. i can tell. all this while, my study week will be at home where i can see the people that can make me feel secure, comfortable and full with love. i dont have anyone to tell, that i really really am sad right now.in the end, i learn that we can only rely on ownself.


im not that strong actually. i always pretend that i am. even people look at me saying that im confident and strong, but im not actually. living in UM is like hell to me. worse than Uitm i would say. i dont know why maybe i just cant adapt to this kind of life yet. really hectic and stressful. less holidays i might say. i think im the only person that will skip with joy when holidays come. now, i know. nothing is easy in life. i choose this path. so, i need to bare with the consequences. i need to roughen myself up i guess. too manja. i just like to depend and be close with the people that i love.


P/s : i think im lack of love. i just need some hugs now and then. :(

everythings change

today, is the first day. starting of the new me. im trying to change here, from thinking that often about you to what should i study later on. from talking about you that often to just keep quiet and find something else that can amuse me. i feel so lonely. no one to give me morning calls, no one to text me, ym me or even video call me anymore. yeahh, i will miss that. funny, how life is. its hard for you to get the one person that you really love. but, its okay. i believe in destiny. like you said, i shouldnt wait for you. its okay. i will not. i will try to live my life in a different way from now on, as if you never existed in mine. thinking of you always bring tears to me. maybe, its because i always think of you as more than just a friend. but, i dont think you feel that way. i dont know how i will feel after one month or two. after this feeling has faded away, i will try to tegur you. if i have the guts lar. i dont think i can. there's too many memories that i need to erase from my days of knowing you. you always think of others, but you did not consider my feelings about this one. maybe, you felt to guilty. its okay. i promise myself not to put you in that position anymore. who am i to do that right.

i will miss all the days we spent together chatting and video calls. from now on, i dont have to wait for you to come back home and to video call. there will be no one singing while playing guitar for me anymore. its okay, it will only be a memory after this. slowly, slowly i will erase it. loving you is the hardest thing i ever did.

funny, i never give up on you. confessing to you, making fool of myself so that you will like me. approach to u as in i xtahu malu langsung. but, its okay. trying to get you to fall in love with me was the hardest lar. i never fall in love with a guy that i never even met yet. your the first and i hope the last. i even dream of marrying you one day. it will only be a dream lar from now one.

i hope my days will go by fast. i hate feeling sad all the time, feeling like to cry. i hope this feeling will fade away fast. please please Allah help me. orang dah xnak kat kite. kite patut lupekan dia.
maybe there's a silver lining beneath all that had happened here.

p/s: im really glad that i met you, even it is only for awhile. :)
your good in making me smile, hope you will never forget me. :)

it bleeds again.

my heart bleeds again. maybe this is permanent.

note to self : never to get attach to anyone. you might hurt yourself.

scared, nervous, anxious.

alhamdulillah, im very happy that i get the course that i wanted. that is dentistry in UM. The thing is im scared of studying in UM. they said its tough. hurmm. im kindda a little bit sad, you used to give me good advises. i hate it when your being sarcastic. it hurts me. hurmm. you dont like me to enter UM kar? hurmm. maybe i should just learn to keep quiet and handle it on my own. if your just gonna hurt me better i just keep low, not telling you anything. what happened to all that supports that you used to give me. maybe we're grown apart. nevermind lar, im stronger than you think i am. i can do this. even if its going to kill me. i will not gonna look back and says that im regretting the choices that i have made. if others can do it why cant i? i need to recollect all those semangat, so that i can feel strong again. if your gonna cry nabila just go ahead but not to him. he will just going to make you feel worse. what a great .. i have.

these few words of mine

day by day, i try to let you go,

there're these few words that i would like to tell you,

before all of this end,

these few words that is hard to be uttered

i try to push you away

so, that i will not feel the pain anymore,

but, you keep coming back

your move, your way, your act opens my heart

that was almost closed as i,

thought it will not be opened anymore,

comforting me when i broke down in tears was the start of it again,

my heart is cursing to let you go as im scared its get worse,

day, by day my heart is yearning for,

every steps and my prayers to god is me asking to be closer to you

if we're destine to be together

one day all of this will happen

and if one day this will just be a memories

i hope it will be a wonderful one for both of us.

if you are someone thats just stopping by for awhile in my life

im so happy that you did

you always try to make me happy

as you are a cheerful and energetic person

and when i looked at you, i can feel this warm feeling of yours

your open my heart to yours,

and maybe your just someone that i need to meet in my lifetime.

we dont know whats the future going to bring us,

but, let me say it before it ends,

im really glad that i met you,

even, if it is for awhile.

xoxoxo. :)

things are better off that way.

mama, you can sensed when im feeling sad. the way u looked at me.the way u stared at me. u can see it only in a glanced. when, i turned around to face you back. i can see you feeling there's something wrong with me. normally, you will asked what happened. but, maybe certain things we shouldn't discussed. like today,
i learned that in life you cant have everything your way. and normally i will cry and go emotionally on it. but, i think im getting mature and less childish.
i can even smile and say maybe its better to be friends. loving someone as friends are more powerful compare to others.
as long as, the relationship is there, i think i would be fine with it.
hugging you is the best medicine of all.
but hey ma, you should know that i didnt cry like i used too anymore.
seriously not like before, when my eyes gile gile gile like panda.
pergi sekolah pun malu. :)

p/s; thanks for telling the truth, i really do appreciate it. at least i know the reasons. :).
: thanks alot to my friends. gile caring korang. tgur tnye whether im okay or not. syg korang. :)