everythings change

today, is the first day. starting of the new me. im trying to change here, from thinking that often about you to what should i study later on. from talking about you that often to just keep quiet and find something else that can amuse me. i feel so lonely. no one to give me morning calls, no one to text me, ym me or even video call me anymore. yeahh, i will miss that. funny, how life is. its hard for you to get the one person that you really love. but, its okay. i believe in destiny. like you said, i shouldnt wait for you. its okay. i will not. i will try to live my life in a different way from now on, as if you never existed in mine. thinking of you always bring tears to me. maybe, its because i always think of you as more than just a friend. but, i dont think you feel that way. i dont know how i will feel after one month or two. after this feeling has faded away, i will try to tegur you. if i have the guts lar. i dont think i can. there's too many memories that i need to erase from my days of knowing you. you always think of others, but you did not consider my feelings about this one. maybe, you felt to guilty. its okay. i promise myself not to put you in that position anymore. who am i to do that right.

i will miss all the days we spent together chatting and video calls. from now on, i dont have to wait for you to come back home and to video call. there will be no one singing while playing guitar for me anymore. its okay, it will only be a memory after this. slowly, slowly i will erase it. loving you is the hardest thing i ever did.

funny, i never give up on you. confessing to you, making fool of myself so that you will like me. approach to u as in i xtahu malu langsung. but, its okay. trying to get you to fall in love with me was the hardest lar. i never fall in love with a guy that i never even met yet. your the first and i hope the last. i even dream of marrying you one day. it will only be a dream lar from now one.

i hope my days will go by fast. i hate feeling sad all the time, feeling like to cry. i hope this feeling will fade away fast. please please Allah help me. orang dah xnak kat kite. kite patut lupekan dia.
maybe there's a silver lining beneath all that had happened here.

p/s: im really glad that i met you, even it is only for awhile. :)
your good in making me smile, hope you will never forget me. :)

it bleeds again.

my heart bleeds again. maybe this is permanent.

note to self : never to get attach to anyone. you might hurt yourself.

scared, nervous, anxious.

alhamdulillah, im very happy that i get the course that i wanted. that is dentistry in UM. The thing is im scared of studying in UM. they said its tough. hurmm. im kindda a little bit sad, you used to give me good advises. i hate it when your being sarcastic. it hurts me. hurmm. you dont like me to enter UM kar? hurmm. maybe i should just learn to keep quiet and handle it on my own. if your just gonna hurt me better i just keep low, not telling you anything. what happened to all that supports that you used to give me. maybe we're grown apart. nevermind lar, im stronger than you think i am. i can do this. even if its going to kill me. i will not gonna look back and says that im regretting the choices that i have made. if others can do it why cant i? i need to recollect all those semangat, so that i can feel strong again. if your gonna cry nabila just go ahead but not to him. he will just going to make you feel worse. what a great .. i have.

these few words of mine

day by day, i try to let you go,

there're these few words that i would like to tell you,

before all of this end,

these few words that is hard to be uttered

i try to push you away

so, that i will not feel the pain anymore,

but, you keep coming back

your move, your way, your act opens my heart

that was almost closed as i,

thought it will not be opened anymore,

comforting me when i broke down in tears was the start of it again,

my heart is cursing to let you go as im scared its get worse,

day, by day my heart is yearning for,

every steps and my prayers to god is me asking to be closer to you

if we're destine to be together

one day all of this will happen

and if one day this will just be a memories

i hope it will be a wonderful one for both of us.

if you are someone thats just stopping by for awhile in my life

im so happy that you did

you always try to make me happy

as you are a cheerful and energetic person

and when i looked at you, i can feel this warm feeling of yours

your open my heart to yours,

and maybe your just someone that i need to meet in my lifetime.

we dont know whats the future going to bring us,

but, let me say it before it ends,

im really glad that i met you,

even, if it is for awhile.

xoxoxo. :)

things are better off that way.

mama, you can sensed when im feeling sad. the way u looked at me.the way u stared at me. u can see it only in a glanced. when, i turned around to face you back. i can see you feeling there's something wrong with me. normally, you will asked what happened. but, maybe certain things we shouldn't discussed. like today,
i learned that in life you cant have everything your way. and normally i will cry and go emotionally on it. but, i think im getting mature and less childish.
i can even smile and say maybe its better to be friends. loving someone as friends are more powerful compare to others.
as long as, the relationship is there, i think i would be fine with it.
hugging you is the best medicine of all.
but hey ma, you should know that i didnt cry like i used too anymore.
seriously not like before, when my eyes gile gile gile like panda.
pergi sekolah pun malu. :)

p/s; thanks for telling the truth, i really do appreciate it. at least i know the reasons. :).
: thanks alot to my friends. gile caring korang. tgur tnye whether im okay or not. syg korang. :)

miss you guys~!!

im damn bored rite now. i can even cry. aiyoo. i dont want to spend my precious being 19 nites at home. arghh. i want excitement. not that gile2 one. just some fun late at night. arghh. what am i talking about. im a gal. in our tradition and culture gals are suppose to stay at home. i really hate onlining everynight. feeling like there's no fun in life. maybe, i just miss college's life.when you get to kacau people around you. talking late at night. watch movies together. gossiping. running up and down to chase people. spilling buckets of water to celebrate their birthdays. kena marah wif pak guard balik lambat. ( and im realli good at this.haha.). play truth or dare (haha, i didnt get the chance to complete my dare.haha.pity them. =).sleepovers.walking to the class( haha, seriously my college to faculty is damn far. selalu je kne maki bile jalan.thank god there's bus and cap.haha. syg pak cik cap. =).haha. makan ramai2. =). i miss kena suap. =).eating my fav ice cream ( sundae cornetto choc!. my fav. =). hehe, best, nuha selalu belanje.hehe. jahat kn sye. tp sye sgt syang awk~!=). sye rindu smua org~! seriously. sye rindu smua. korang baek sgt. ske dgr complaint, mnyalak, mrepek sye.haha. =). and sorry sgt sye suke jerit name org kuat2.haha, ske kenakn org. =).

p/s: korang slalu dihati.gile rindu. nk je nyanyi lagu uitm tue.haha. =)

no more braces

yeah, there's no more braces, but just only stupid retainer~! arghhh. =)