you will never understand.

can u please put some effort. do u know how many times perday that i always think of you. i guess more than i think about myself. do you know how everytime after we went out, i will go back in a sad mood and mostly end up crying. do you know if i can wish for anything in this world, one of it is i wish i will never be far apart for you cause im scared im not strong enough. do you know i never cry this much for a guy as i cry for you. do you know that im really scared that one day if we are really not meant for each other, do you what i always ask myself? i always ask myself what should i do? can i ever forget you. do you know, i always long and miss you. all i want to do is to see you. all i want to do is to ask you what you are doing, with whom you with, do you love me? do you care about me and do you miss me?

Do you ever felt all the things that i felt about you? do you know i never care much about a guy then i care about you? do you know what the things that always come into my thoughts involving you? i always think that if one day if im really not meant for you, i want you to be a successful person in life living happily with your wife and family. i always wish your always next to me so that i dont have to miss you that much. do you know, everything that i do i always feel like telling you. do you know, because i love you so much when people ask me to cerita about you, i dont know what to tell cause everything that i see in my eye is one perfect guy that i want as a husband.

do you ever felt that about me? i guees your not. even though i always ask you to this and that, there's always reason for it. i will never ask you to do it if it is not good for you. but you dont even listen to me.

2days in a row!

damn! i think it is because of the rain kot, yeah, rain rain please go away, your making me raining inside too! goshh. gosshh!. byk sgt pk kot. need to buang some thoughts that are not necessary for me to think right now. tough! be tough! yeah, you can do it! you did it before, why cant you do it again right? its not possible. i just need some clear mind for awhile. Allah is really testing me, suddenly i found out that the necklace that i always wear since form4 or 5 is missing it's pendant! :(. so sad. force myself not too cry. waaargghhjhhhhh. i treasure this necklace so much kot. my grandpa gave it to me and byk gile memories with it. dia mcm dh part of me, dh harungi with me all the unstable emotions, happiness and all. warghhhh! sedey gile. aihh. sbar. sbar. sbar. now, i only know the word sbar! some of the stuffs that you told me really make me sad. you prefer other people to have me. you know what, you shouldnt say that. funny, why cant you just accept that sometimes not everything will turn out bad. hurmm. maybe you dont really want me kot. tak pe lar. :)

what am i suppose to do if i miss you?

this weekend smua org balik rumah diaorg. rindu gile kat mama and abah. i miss you too bdk bushuk!. damn, i miss everyone. all i can do is cry. i wanna go back home. tak pe lar. sbar je lar kot. everyone has their own problems i guess. sabar nabila sabar. sabar sikit je lagi. Allah is testing you, sabar je lar.

God, please hear my prayers.

i dont know why, but i feel so tired. all i want to do is cry and scream. nak sangat cakap yang im so tired. like really tired. dah la banyak bnde tak study lagi. somehow, i know your testing my patience. hurmm. like really testing it. can the time freeze for awhile because i think i need to catch some breath. when i feel like giving up, the only thing that keep me going is my parents. i miss them so much. . i need my strong will back. like really need it. i guess when you feel like the world is falling apart, you should always think about things that can keep you moving on. like now, i really need you guys. i want a hugg from you mama. i need that motivational talk that abah always give me. i need you guys . :'(. life would be much simpler if only you guys are always beside me.

tired

masuk kete je bile drive sorang nnges. nabila tak de kje lain ke? asyk nnges je! tolong lar, bncinye! bnci bnci! senang gile ar nnges this week. damn easy. hurmm. :(

sgt takut.

asal ek, tak sedap hati lar. nape ni? takut sangat. hurmm. takut takut. takut sangat sampai rase nak nnges. mama, tak nak balik UM. please. penat lar tmpt tue. penat sgt. tinggal 3 hari je lagi. OMG! kalau boleh putar balik mase dh lame dh buat. hurmm. nak final dh. yup, final. campur sem 1 and 2. serious penat and banyak! macam mane ni. dh lar integrated. soalan pun xpernah tgk and tak pernah tahu mcm mane nak jwap. GOD, please let it be easy. tolong lar. saye tak nak pergi supplement and lagi mintak jauh jauh jauh sangat sangat is repeat year. God, tolong lar. 1st year gile memenatkan and stress. hurmm.

God, please help me.

God, please help me clear up my mind and my uneasy heart. let by gone be by gone. i know im gonna cry and have unstable emotion once in awhile but im letting this go. i know he is better with her. i really hate you when you like her you but you didnt tell me. cakap je lar. xyah nk simpan. paling bnci that part. xtak nak cakap better i move on.

i know that one day, i'll be okay. im stronger than you think. i did make a promise dlu, i told myself that the last guy im going to fall in love is going to be my husband, i guess my mistake kot. never get yourself attach. xper, i will learn.

after this my heart akan jdi keras macam batu!. haha. i will ask my parents to choose for me, they know whats the best for me. i believe in their berkat. berkat ibu and ayah boleh bawa kebahagian smpai mati. i always hold to that.

btul cakap jawahir and his dad, dont fall in love coz it hurts. i should learn that. anis pn ade cakap kalau boleh dia pn xnk couple coz nnti susah je.

i have my supportive family and friends that i really adore. they will help me. as long as you pray, insyaAllah God will help you to the right path. you just have to believe.