imissthissong

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

now, i dont really know how to express myself anymore. i just know how to type it out. dang!

sengalness

jealousy strikes.

okay, im jealous of those who have boyfriends and can celebrate their new years together. shoot, im 20 and i dont even have one~! arghh, i dont think i'll be celebrating it this year. how sad. how sad. your turning 20 and you dont have a boyfriend and you dont even celebrate new year~!!! . sedeynye. :(((((((((

learning

you need to know where you stand in someone's heart, so that you wouldnt make the same mistake all over again.

sometimes

sometimes, i think that you deserve a better person then me. thats what i always tell myself.

inspiration

i need inspiration, i need someone to make me smile and laugh when i feel like breaking down. sometimes, i just need that. you no need to be always there but just once in awhile when i feel like telling how i feel and talk to me anything rather than just dentistry. kadang2 boring jgak, my life dikelilingi oleh dentistry students je. serious they are fun, but i need other that dentistry. huhu. im trying hard each day. tido pn dh sekejap. really am trying hard. i dont think much about fun anymore just that i want to pass and i feel like going back home. i miss those people at home who always care for me. imissyou guyss.

2nd sem.

Im in second sem already peeps. i hope it will be a better one than last sem. i hope there's no trials and tribulations that i cant face it. God, please go easy on me. I need to focus. Focus more than ever. Everyday i fight the urge to not to study. Everyday i'll try to study like there's no tomorrow insyaAllah. i just need the strength to face all of this. i need the brain and strength. wow, thats really hard. aihh. i just gonna keep on trying and praying. Hoping for the best from God.

First day of Second sem, kena basuh by the senior. He told us to study hard. Second sem is not for playing anymore. Its for you to focus. Like every year second sem is the most important sem. Datang2 je class dpt timetable. In 6 weeks time exam 2.1 is coming. thats the most important exam. you need to pass so that you can enter finals. if not you dont even stand a chance. im going to study hard for me. pls pray for me. aihh.

p/s: apa2 yang berlaku kat kite ade hikmahnye. sometimes, God didnt answer our wishes because He wants us to ask more and be closer to him. He wants to see whether we are sincere in asking it or not. As long as you try your hardest and pray. InsyaAllah, Allah grant the wishes
You just need to believe.

im done with it

im done with it. im stronger than i look. i will try my best next sem. im going to change. no more talking nonsense. my future and dreams rely on my next sem. dont ever give up.

First thing to do : ask forgiveness to Allah and everyone.

so, to anyone that is reading my blog. im totally sorry if i ever done anything that hurt your feelings or anything that i did before that is still bothering you guys until now. im trully am sorry. i'll try not to repeat it again. sorry sorry sorry people.

stressss!!

shoot lar, why lar maxilla 1st molar susah sgt nk carve, cepat lar habis. i couldnt stand seeing you anymoreeeeee. :(. arghhhhh, sakitnye hati wat bnde nihhh. asl lar your occlussal susah sgt nk carve. dh ar ade 3 roots lgi ar mati akal nak carveeeeeee... damn you maxilla 1st molarr..

p/s : xyah bce this post pn xper, bebel sorang2 sbb bngang sgt. huhu. :)

i believe in Him

i didnt cry if your worrying about that, hey. its your choice. for me, im leaving it everything to God. God always knows the best for us. Maybe, God met us for awhile so that we can learn something from each other. God, has already plans good things for both of us. If your already find my replacement which i can see that, its okie. you no need to hide it pun. im gonna be fine. i believe in Him, he'll show me other roads and path to take then. He always does. :D. In my prayers, i always pray that i hope Allah will only open my heart to my jodoh. So, its okie. if your not mine maybe your somebody else. :). And i think you'll be a good one to who ever she is in the future.

InsyaAllah, as long as we believe and pray everything will turn out well. :)

few trips of mine. :)

hey, my name is Raffar. Im 1 and half years old. :). i love to eat bread. And i have 4 older sisters and 2 big brothers above me. Soon, i'll be having a younger sister. wow, i cant wait. :D. Above me, is my 2 and half year old brother who really do like to bully me. :(.

this is my brother, can you see the resemblance. huhu. :). i love him alot. he's just 1 year older than me. thats, why i love him. :). even though, i always kne bully by him. he hates giving me a ride. he said, im heavy. he cant cycle if im sitting at the back. so sad.

Then, one day. Kak Nabila came to rescue. She trick my abang by pretending to bring me back home. i even salam everyone to go back with her. actually i do like to go back with her. When, all my sisters want to take me back, i refused to go back. i like being held by Kak Nabila ( gile perasaan. :D). my abang cried so loud until i cant bare hearing to it, ouuuuccccchhhh. Suddenly he felt like crying plak when Kak Nabila came to get me. Daaaaa... always bullied me but in the end love me dlm diam2. hahaha. i guess thats what siblings do. they dont want to express their feelings. Then, Kak Nabila gave one condition to my abang, if Kak Nabila let me stay, my abang needs to give me rides more often. Out of nowhere, my abang eagerly said yes. he would as long as Raffar can stay beside me. aaaawwwww, after hearing that, i feel like crying.. :(. he loves me. he loves me. he really do. :). im so relieved to hear that. Then, he cycled and let me sit at the backkk.. At last.. :D

here a picture, that i forced the abang to smile. damn kejam. hahaha. :D. bdk ni masam sgt. chill lar. nonit to be that serious. :) bdk lagi kot. :D


i love you little kid even if we only meet for while. :)


P/s: cter ni ade byk ditokok tambah. haha, act xigt sgt wat happen. but, the point is abg dia nnges gile2 xnk bgi i bring the sister balik. hehe, the funny part was, bdk kecik even salam the mother and sat in the car d. boleh plak. xde dia kisahh. bile abg dia ambik bru dia nk. so sweet right? aihh, msti rapat gan abg dia nnti. :).

life

fairytales

i just wanna learn how to love, fall and love again. maybe thats all life is all about. :)

for some reason, if i never learn how to love and fall i might not gonna find my true everlasting love. :P

my prince charming is out there searching for his half soul. And his half soul is me~!:)

how to get approval from Mama. :)

Mama and I watched Wanita Hari Ini if im not mistaken, then we saw Ashraf Muslim. He was on air for changing to become a more religious person. then, the conversation starts.

Me : wah, handsomenye dia. :)

Mama : i like him. Dah lar handsome, beragama plak tue.

Me : in my heart goes like, " eh, mama xpernah suke the guys that i like. normally we will argue saying, eeeyy, xhandsome pn. dia ni lagi handsome and so on.... bla, bla, bla.

Mama : Kalau macam dia mama suke. Nak cari pn kne ar cari macam this type of person. Jangan ar cari laki yg harapkn handsome je, agama tak de.

Me : owhh, kay mama. my heart goes like " since when we ever talk about BOYS~!! nak je cakap to her that im not into handsome guys pun, i dunnoe why. but, im just not. as long as the person have good heart thats all i care about.





but, i like youuuu, gossshhh ur so handsome. :D

rare occasion. ;)

naughty kids running around at my mom's garden. they love to catch the fishes in my mom's pond. end up soaking wet in the end. they are really smart, they caught the fishes without using any net. they caught them with some plastic that they found in the kitchen.smart but naughty. always asking for money. one of them, even sang me a song with money in it. spoil brat. always think about money~!! so not goodddd. :)


forced me to take them to 7e, bdk kecik btul. they like to spend money on things like stupid battle card. dh lar expensive the cards. collect them then throw them away. no wonder my aunt move to a place where's the nearest shop is like 8 km away. haha. but, they make my day. :)



rare occasion, i found it very fascinating and peculiar at the same time. :). picnic in my new house. hell of fun with small cousins around playing and running non stop, my family, aunt and uncle and grandma too. ;). i just love family day. :D

do what ever you want

do what ever you want, i dunwan to know anymore. go away.

:'(

i cant sleep. so, i started to cry. cry again. please stop. there's nothing much you can do by the way. it just happen. we cant control this type of feelings. i just want to sleep and forget everything that happened. why did i do that? why did i read? why? :'(. maybe im just stupid and xpernah belajar from mistake. so, i finally understand. i want to be invisible and heartless please. :'(

change

i just want to grow old with my parents by my side and lots of adopted kids. :). but, my parents will kill me if i tell them. haha. life is so unpredictable. im not that open person. its hard for me to be opened to someone new. i dunnoe why, but it is hard. kesian gile wif ppl yg nk kawan wif me. i just dunnoe how to treat , react and talk to them. im scared it will turn out different way. no wonder semua org kata i sombong. im not that same person anymore. im so so sorry you guys. im not the same person i used to be. :(

i realise something

i finally get it, the things that you asked me, the things that you tell me. i finally get it. i'll be strong enough for all, i always do even it is hard in the beginning. i will. i finally understand.

random again. :)

im bored, and while waiting for my movies to buffer i shall tell you guys about things that i truly want in life. that doesnt mean that i can get them. :)

1. Porsche cayenne


my dream car. :). as if i have lots of money to buy one. i would like to own this when i have my own family later on. :)

2. owning my own chocolate shop

weird right, but i seriously heart choc alot~! :). a dentist - to - be wants to own a chocolate shop. haha, funny but i love them so much. one thing about choc that is that when your sad and feel miserable about yourself, the only thing that can cheer you up faster and efficiently is choc. they will always be there whenever your sad, moody or happy. they will never let you down like others. they will stick by you like a glue. :).


3. do you see a map?


haha, sorry, i cant find a map that is clear enough for you guys to see. this is a Europe 's map. i would like to go there one day. if possible, i would like to do my master there. :). i want to travel all around the world, and the first place i would like to start with is europe. :)

random. :)

random. :)

whatsoever

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I sneak in and see your friends
And her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel

And she is yelling at a bridesmaid
Somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry

This is surely not
What you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say:

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Fun gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march

And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems I was uninvited
By your lovely bride-to-be

She floats down the aisle
Like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me, don't you?

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

i dun think i can see eye to eye with you anymore. skrg tgur sket je msti nak gaduh. rilex ar.

flowing

i cry more often nowadays,i dunnoe why. but it just happened. easily feel sad and easily cry. why is it my heart is so unhappy? hurmm. i wish i could smile like before. lately, my smiles oso macam fake. susah gile nk smile skrg. i think i lost my happy soul. now, it only full with sadness and sorrow. i wish i was heartless and invisible pls~!!

dramas

it has been ages since i watched one, now im watching its started with a kiss. taiwan drama, bile i watch that drama, teringin gile jdi housewife duk kat umah jge anak2 and cook for family, sibuk pasal being a mom. mcm fun gile. mcm xstress lngsung. aihh, nvm lar. its just a movie i guess. but., she's damn energetic being a mom. funny, but i like it. :)

One night on the train part 2

akhirnye, i explode. asl lar explode dalam train. during the study week and exam week i gile gile pretend that im strong. cant cry need to focus and all. last2, explode jgak. seriously penat gile study macam orang gile even during my holidays and weekends when other people are enjoying themselves. tak pernah study teruk mcm ni and yet still xleh wat. i probably get e or f for all the papers. susah gile dentistry kat UM, even tougher that medic, at least you guys have alot of free time, im fully pack every single day. 8 papers in 5 days are not fun at all. gile penat study macam orang gile for 5 days. only GOD knows how i felt. pastu, bile gtau orang i cant do it tak de spe nk percaya especially my parents. aihh, i dunwan to break your hearts but its the truth kot. tak de spe nk dgr. aihh. i can only tell to my kakak roomate sorang tue. dia je pham because she dh face this thing. semua orang akan kata korang ni tak study ke, padahal study macam nak rak dunia. aih, i got another exm for next sem, if i cant make it that one, mintak simpang byk2. i cant take final exm. then, need to repeat 1 whole year. arghhhhh. tolong lar jgn. penat gile nk kne study the same thing all over again. :((. so, i will change when the next sem comes. i'll be stronger and become super duper nerdy. skrg pn dh ckup nerdy. serious penat. even, my aunty yg doctor pn even pity seeing me studying. dentistry in UM is a silent killer. you will never know unless u take it and face it yourself.

One night on the train part 1

alot of things came out of my mind, during that long journey. i wish im invisible and heartless. i read your blog btw, replying mine. hey,im really sorry. i know you have alot of things need to be done and all. its okie lar if your busy at times and replying late. i need to give some space anyway. im just being inconsiderate. i want to tell you, tak payah lar layan i dah sangat. bile i stress i banyak kerenah. it would probably kill your mood anyway. you pun mesti under alot of pressurekn. tak pe lar. kalau its because of the post yang u bace thats why you text me everyday during my exam week xpayah lar. i xnk menyusahkn orang. i dunwan to be a pain in the ass. the last statement tue, i was angry. damn angry. your still someone to me even if im not. yang peliknya, how can you react normally texting me eventhough u've read my blog.mesti sakit hatikn. so, tak yah nak susahkn diri dh. kesian you mesti penat layan i. im so so sorry menyusahkan you selama ni.

things that i do

maybe you dont see this but im trying to avoid you. im sick and tired of waiting for your text. sometimes, when you are with your friends pun you still replied late. excuse me, not like your in class. as i think back. you used to tell me your friends are the most important person in your life. so, it shows that im not. for what im wasting my mood to text you but in the end you will not reply it or you will reply late. ala, kawan lain boleh je reply cepat. so, in end xyah text xde sakit hati. am i right? pastu, tiba2 bile aku xtext terhegeh-hegeh nak text tanya khabar semua. malas plak nak reply. replied them in harsh way, pastu rase bersalah. hurmm.

it hurts me the most that, your not spending your time with me in my study week. i told you before study week is like im going to get a little bit insane, moody semua. but, no. you make it worse. just replying my text pun susahkan. and you are orang paling sibuk i tahu. fine lar. you dont have time for me anymore. not like my last study week. i rase lame2 ni, kite will not even contact each other.
in the end. jangan menyesal bile i really open up my heart to someone else. because at that time, you cari balik pun i takkan layan. sudah2 lar my heart you sakit.

F.R.I. E. N. D. S

i dun give enough credits to my frens. so, here's the post.. :). i love you guys to bits and pieces even though i dun say it out loud. but, you guys are the choc top to my cakes, ice creams and everything sweet. :). thats how important you guys in my life. thanks for always being there. :D

lovvvvvveeeeeee yaaaaaa.. missssshhhhhh yaaaa. :)

forever alone

do you remember this? i miss the old times. the time we used to spend vc and wc with each other. but now, i barely have time for you. as, time passes by, you will forget me. for all i have in remembering you is all the songs that we used to sing together.

where is your guardian angel? where is your call? the only exception?

and for now, all i can see is you are already starting to forget me. i feel pain deep down inside when i come to my senses that your not the same person as we met before.

i miss you.

terharu

okay, basically, got this one guy in my class that likes me. he's not bad actually but i just dont like like him je thats all. the think is, dia buat i feel terharu. okay, u've heard about the gossip2 about me like semua orang tahu. even, pas performance ktaorg kat senior's freshies' nite pn, ade org tgur tanya btul ke i ade gaduh. okay. igtkn cter tue dh basi. but, its okay sbb byk gile gossip this week yg dpt cover up my gossip. hahahaha. thanks Allah. :D Back to the main story here, he actually do really care about me. he knows that i gaduh gan orang smua, but he still mcm likes me and he even told hyzan ( my roomate btw that i truly adore ), yang nanti i change lar. dia sruh hyzan advise i and all. hyzan told me that he spoke to her like he still care for me. serious terharu. dalam kecoh kecoh yang aku salah pun still ade orang still suke aku. wah, i mcm baek plak lar mamat ni kan. and everyone though that we have something special. like hello, havent you seen my fb about me. sye hati batu and im not available. adui, the chinese ske sgt ejek i with him. bile he changed his clothes from wearing baju melayu to baju kemeja, one of my chinese's frens asked me, are u going out later? i was like? what? then, he said i saw him change his clothes. i though you guys are going out. i was like how many times do i need to tell you guys, i dont have anything special relationship with him. then, they laugh. okay. esk tue ejek lagi. bile sruh my frens find me a boyfren diaorg sebut name dia, kte u guys padan ape? i was like. okay. change topic. so, here i will like to conclude that your not bad after all. thanks for still believing in me and thanks for always asking me to smile in class whenever you see me being too stress up. :). patutnye orang xtak tahu about us, sbb dia mne pernah tgur dlm kelas. tapi lagi bagus xtgur. karang lagi byk cter.

if only i get the chance

when i miss you, i can only tell it to myself. i can never get the chance to tell u again that i really miss and love you. you dont know that even you broke my heart for several times, i still love you. i wish we can be like before, but it would never happen i guess. your life has just started, you'll gonna find someone much better than me. although my life is so tiring and hectic, i still find time to miss you. that is how much i love and care for you every single day.

tough week

okey, what a great week. i've made alot of mistakes in only in 1 week. i've made my classmates angry at me. hurmm. im really sorry. sometimes, i do things without thinking. sometimes, i can be too over react. no wonder before entering this week, my heart tells me not to talk or get to close with people. if you get too close. you tend to make mistakes. if your too far, people will say u sombong. kay, i kena both la kn. sorry i xtgur everyone at the lecture hall that often. i just tegur the one's that i rapat with. im really am sorry. i need to change to make them not to dislike me.
i think i dh masuk their list of kne kutuk slalu. like seriously, ramai gile kutuk i this week, from what i've heard. even, the boys know about this. i gaduh wif few girls but boys pn tahu. nmpak sgt my name mmg dh tercemar. great. its okey lar. im learning to change pun.

things that need to be changed b4 msuk UM this week, like seriously, xnk blk. :(

1. dont talk too kasar with them
2. smile more often
3. tgur them when i see them, but dun talk much, later gaduh lagi.
4. change my attitude
5. dun lepak in their rooms too much. i dun think they like it either
6. mintak maaf with everyone
7. keep my opinion to myself ( i tahu, UM smua bdk pndai2 )
8. learn to dance~!, and im bad in this, msti diaorg bengang. :(
9. study and duduk je dlm bilik tue~!
10. dont talk back when people kutuk u, biar lar kutuk, ade i kisah.

focus, focus, you can do it. kat UITM dlu xde pn gaduh gan org, mybe sbb i xcmpur with they all. kan senang. xde masalah. so, keep it to urself from now on.

life is rough

i feel like caging myself up until i finish my sem 1 exam in nov. then, in dec i will be free as a bird. :). okay, i've been counting my days lately. like seriously, ni lagi scary dari exam spm or exam asasi yg i pernah ambik before this. i hate the word repeat, so mintak simpang2 banyak2 sangat. over here is really hard to study i tell you. there's always activities that we need to get ourself involve in. kalau xde activity, msti ade assignment yg merepek2 like reading journals and you need to present them in front of the lecturers. then, they will ask you about the journal that you have read and so on.if you dont know how to answer their question, you'll be penalised. it sucks i tell you. the thing is journal tue dh lar susah nak pham, biochem plak tue. adoi, mmg susah lar. besides journal, i ada reports, another 2 teeth that needs to be carved and plus i need to study for exams. 8subjects in 1 week. HOW GREAT~!

its fun being here actually, friends are great and all. i laugh more than i was in UITM maybe, i guess so. but still everytime that i feel happy, i will feel scared at the same time. life is rough. maybe i just need to bare with it for awhile. my friends said, Allah xkan bagi challenges to us yang kite xleh hadapi. so, maybe this is my faith. :)

due to alot of stresses, my face, owhh, my face. :(. dh byk pimples. benci gile. it must be bcoz of the food or the water or my hormones. damn, i need to blame something. arghhh. bnci btul. :(.

btw, i got some teka teki over here. :D
if darl is a short form for darling.
then sai, is a short form for what?
anyone can answer this. and if you read this i hope you will know the answer to it. :).

xoxoxo~
lots of love. muah. muah.

im so down

tomorrow, im going back to UM. i wish it is easy but it is not. i cant hold back the tears. there's another 2 months more until my exam. and to tell you the truth, im so scared. i never never take any exams yet. not even a quiz. i want to cry. why is the 2 weeks pass so quickly. i dont even get the chance to spend enough time with my parents especially my mom. im seriously gonna miss her. i dont even have time to come back home after another 2 months. OMG~!! like seriously, i wish UM is nearer to home right now. im scared. should i just come back and study at home during the study week? like seriously, im gonna cry before taking the exam. i can tell. all this while, my study week will be at home where i can see the people that can make me feel secure, comfortable and full with love. i dont have anyone to tell, that i really really am sad right now.in the end, i learn that we can only rely on ownself.


im not that strong actually. i always pretend that i am. even people look at me saying that im confident and strong, but im not actually. living in UM is like hell to me. worse than Uitm i would say. i dont know why maybe i just cant adapt to this kind of life yet. really hectic and stressful. less holidays i might say. i think im the only person that will skip with joy when holidays come. now, i know. nothing is easy in life. i choose this path. so, i need to bare with the consequences. i need to roughen myself up i guess. too manja. i just like to depend and be close with the people that i love.


P/s : i think im lack of love. i just need some hugs now and then. :(

everythings change

today, is the first day. starting of the new me. im trying to change here, from thinking that often about you to what should i study later on. from talking about you that often to just keep quiet and find something else that can amuse me. i feel so lonely. no one to give me morning calls, no one to text me, ym me or even video call me anymore. yeahh, i will miss that. funny, how life is. its hard for you to get the one person that you really love. but, its okay. i believe in destiny. like you said, i shouldnt wait for you. its okay. i will not. i will try to live my life in a different way from now on, as if you never existed in mine. thinking of you always bring tears to me. maybe, its because i always think of you as more than just a friend. but, i dont think you feel that way. i dont know how i will feel after one month or two. after this feeling has faded away, i will try to tegur you. if i have the guts lar. i dont think i can. there's too many memories that i need to erase from my days of knowing you. you always think of others, but you did not consider my feelings about this one. maybe, you felt to guilty. its okay. i promise myself not to put you in that position anymore. who am i to do that right.

i will miss all the days we spent together chatting and video calls. from now on, i dont have to wait for you to come back home and to video call. there will be no one singing while playing guitar for me anymore. its okay, it will only be a memory after this. slowly, slowly i will erase it. loving you is the hardest thing i ever did.

funny, i never give up on you. confessing to you, making fool of myself so that you will like me. approach to u as in i xtahu malu langsung. but, its okay. trying to get you to fall in love with me was the hardest lar. i never fall in love with a guy that i never even met yet. your the first and i hope the last. i even dream of marrying you one day. it will only be a dream lar from now one.

i hope my days will go by fast. i hate feeling sad all the time, feeling like to cry. i hope this feeling will fade away fast. please please Allah help me. orang dah xnak kat kite. kite patut lupekan dia.
maybe there's a silver lining beneath all that had happened here.

p/s: im really glad that i met you, even it is only for awhile. :)
your good in making me smile, hope you will never forget me. :)

it bleeds again.

my heart bleeds again. maybe this is permanent.

note to self : never to get attach to anyone. you might hurt yourself.

scared, nervous, anxious.

alhamdulillah, im very happy that i get the course that i wanted. that is dentistry in UM. The thing is im scared of studying in UM. they said its tough. hurmm. im kindda a little bit sad, you used to give me good advises. i hate it when your being sarcastic. it hurts me. hurmm. you dont like me to enter UM kar? hurmm. maybe i should just learn to keep quiet and handle it on my own. if your just gonna hurt me better i just keep low, not telling you anything. what happened to all that supports that you used to give me. maybe we're grown apart. nevermind lar, im stronger than you think i am. i can do this. even if its going to kill me. i will not gonna look back and says that im regretting the choices that i have made. if others can do it why cant i? i need to recollect all those semangat, so that i can feel strong again. if your gonna cry nabila just go ahead but not to him. he will just going to make you feel worse. what a great .. i have.

these few words of mine

day by day, i try to let you go,

there're these few words that i would like to tell you,

before all of this end,

these few words that is hard to be uttered

i try to push you away

so, that i will not feel the pain anymore,

but, you keep coming back

your move, your way, your act opens my heart

that was almost closed as i,

thought it will not be opened anymore,

comforting me when i broke down in tears was the start of it again,

my heart is cursing to let you go as im scared its get worse,

day, by day my heart is yearning for,

every steps and my prayers to god is me asking to be closer to you

if we're destine to be together

one day all of this will happen

and if one day this will just be a memories

i hope it will be a wonderful one for both of us.

if you are someone thats just stopping by for awhile in my life

im so happy that you did

you always try to make me happy

as you are a cheerful and energetic person

and when i looked at you, i can feel this warm feeling of yours

your open my heart to yours,

and maybe your just someone that i need to meet in my lifetime.

we dont know whats the future going to bring us,

but, let me say it before it ends,

im really glad that i met you,

even, if it is for awhile.

xoxoxo. :)

things are better off that way.

mama, you can sensed when im feeling sad. the way u looked at me.the way u stared at me. u can see it only in a glanced. when, i turned around to face you back. i can see you feeling there's something wrong with me. normally, you will asked what happened. but, maybe certain things we shouldn't discussed. like today,
i learned that in life you cant have everything your way. and normally i will cry and go emotionally on it. but, i think im getting mature and less childish.
i can even smile and say maybe its better to be friends. loving someone as friends are more powerful compare to others.
as long as, the relationship is there, i think i would be fine with it.
hugging you is the best medicine of all.
but hey ma, you should know that i didnt cry like i used too anymore.
seriously not like before, when my eyes gile gile gile like panda.
pergi sekolah pun malu. :)

p/s; thanks for telling the truth, i really do appreciate it. at least i know the reasons. :).
: thanks alot to my friends. gile caring korang. tgur tnye whether im okay or not. syg korang. :)

miss you guys~!!

im damn bored rite now. i can even cry. aiyoo. i dont want to spend my precious being 19 nites at home. arghh. i want excitement. not that gile2 one. just some fun late at night. arghh. what am i talking about. im a gal. in our tradition and culture gals are suppose to stay at home. i really hate onlining everynight. feeling like there's no fun in life. maybe, i just miss college's life.when you get to kacau people around you. talking late at night. watch movies together. gossiping. running up and down to chase people. spilling buckets of water to celebrate their birthdays. kena marah wif pak guard balik lambat. ( and im realli good at this.haha.). play truth or dare (haha, i didnt get the chance to complete my dare.haha.pity them. =).sleepovers.walking to the class( haha, seriously my college to faculty is damn far. selalu je kne maki bile jalan.thank god there's bus and cap.haha. syg pak cik cap. =).haha. makan ramai2. =). i miss kena suap. =).eating my fav ice cream ( sundae cornetto choc!. my fav. =). hehe, best, nuha selalu belanje.hehe. jahat kn sye. tp sye sgt syang awk~!=). sye rindu smua org~! seriously. sye rindu smua. korang baek sgt. ske dgr complaint, mnyalak, mrepek sye.haha. =). and sorry sgt sye suke jerit name org kuat2.haha, ske kenakn org. =).

p/s: korang slalu dihati.gile rindu. nk je nyanyi lagu uitm tue.haha. =)

no more braces

yeah, there's no more braces, but just only stupid retainer~! arghhh. =)

please dun feel sorry for me, im stronger than what you think.

IMY, IMY U ALOT I GUESS.
ALL I CAN DO IS JUST to STAND STILL AND HOPE FOR IT TO BE OVER.

slowly,slowly, time will come, i hope this emotion of mine will subside by itself.

p/s: there's story to tell u. im gonna open my braces this thursday. then, i need to suffer wearing a retainer plak.=). but, thank god when im in uni, there's no more braces.=).

brainstorming..

nabila, please think fast~!. u have only like until this sunday to decide on what to take for degree course. arghhh.. do i ever tell you that i hate making decisions???arghh. decide for me lar.. i barely can even sleep lately. all i can think of it was what im going to fill up for the upu second phase. yeah, its second phase. after this, there's no more changes. so, after i have decided it, i cant change and i need to live it for mybe another 40years. thats what mama said lar.haha. but, we can always change the plan.hehe. its easier to marry a rich guy.haha. then, i can shop till i drop all the time and travel around the world.. tp that path lgi susah nk tgk.haha. dah. dah. im starting to crap.. arghh.

i have two choices now- dentistry or medic?
i dont think i can do medic. im afraid things like surgery, cucuk cucuk stuff. and medic is like for the good students. why i said like this. you see kay, if your patient is about to die. you cant cry in front of that person and tell him/her that she's not going to live for a long time. how to do that? omg, karang i yg nanges dlu before telling that person. hurmm.

for dentistry plak, can i get datuk title for it? call me ambitious but i really damn want it~!. haha, other gals maybe prefer datin rather than datuk.but, i prefer datuk. to get it by urself will give you that satisfaction since you earn it by urself. =). dream on lar nabilailani~! haha, =)


to be continued
nabilailanihasgonecrazy. =)

keep me thinking.

why are we always fighting? when your not by my side, i always cry hoping your there. but, when we are near each other, there's always screaming, crying,fighting, and tensed between us. sometimes, i do wonder why you dont really see the real me. all you see is him. as if im not that vital to you. im a vulnerable and a sensitived person. when we're fighting im always in the verge of crying. it really hurts me deep down inside. so many times i've repeated that i hate repeating the same thing that i've already told you. maybe you dont see this. maybe you dont understand why im being like this. i dont like to repeat myself because i want your attention. you are a very important person in my life. i want you to always be there for me. i want you to always listen to all my stories. but, you only do that with him. who am i to you? maybe, we should just be far apart from each other. thats better i guess. the strained between us should end as fast as possible, i hope. im gonna try to keep my mouth shut, so that i wouldnt hurt you that much anymore.maybe, keeping it to myself is better comparing having to fight with you all the time. you must be tired of me i guess. dont worry, soon im gonna be gone. i will not bug u that often anymore. and when im away, i really hope deep down inside, you'll gonna miss me. =(.

missing you. =(

approximately at 2.45 a.m, i woke up from my dreamland.the first thing that is running through my mind is you. i think this is because that i miss you. i tried to search for you, but your not there. the only thing that i can do is wishing you to be there. all i can do is just cry. why am i being like this i dont know. maybe im scared of losing you. losing you from my mind is the worst of all. actually, there are alot of things that had happened today that i would like to share with you. i want to tell you that i really had fun today with my friends. even though, it started rough in the beginning,full of screaming and crying but i can still say that it turned out very smoothly in the end.we had alot of fun.i played the banana boat and jet ski. it was the first time that i drove it. and i wasnt scared at all. i drove it as if the sea is mine. all i can pictured it was you. your just like the ocean, a place that i can really let go of myself. did i ever tell you, that i like the sea very much? its like apart of me. it makes me happy. =) . besides that, i would like to tell you that i just only bought my iphone case. i really like to show it to you. but your not there. =(. lastly, i would like to say to you that i really misses you. even though, we contacted each other daily, but tonight there's this feeling of wanting to tell you. maybe i should just keep it to myself, since truthful can be really hurting sometimes. =(

addicted. =)

if i stand along with you, would you do the same? =). im currently addicted to this song:

your guardian angel- by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.


im lazy to upload it, lambat sgt nk tunggu. =).so, you guys g cari. listen to the lyrics. you might end up crying. try it. =))

where have you been?? =((

we've been friends for about a year and few months i guess. the first time we met and went out together was on the 30th Disember 2008. if you still remember. hurmm. lately, you barely even text me, and normally you will call me like every week.but, your not doing it anymore. i think i miss the calls.

i miss your whinning. i miss you telling me all your problems. i miss the stuffs we used to talk about. hey, is it me? hurmm.. am i giving you problems. i dont know what else to do.

i try to text you, but you reply mcm nk xnk je. i even tegur you in ym asking you are you angry with me. but no.. you said your not. but, that it. we stopped until there. as if we dont have anything else to say to each other. fyi, everytime you online i feel like nk tgur you but i feel like i shouldnt. i feel like im giving you problems and making you feel unease..

i like the way things are dulu.i like being the one who listen for your stories, problems, new facts. arghh. you always help me dulu. you help me with my lab and all. you even googled for me for things that i needed to know. hey, do you remember, we played rollerblade together. =)). i teach you remember? hurmm.

maybe things will not be the same macam dulu. the earth is orbitting, and so are we. we are turning to be different people i guess. you with your own stuffs and me with mine.

but, one thing for sure. when you need someone to listen, help you out, giving you opinions, make you laugh. i will always be there, thats what friends are. friends till the end. =)

im in delima..=((

arghhhh.. how? how? how to choose? arghhh. should i buy iphone? should i buy blackberry? arghh.. OMG. why is it so hard to choose a phone. i know why im being like this. hahaha. my phone slalu rosak. like every year. only GOD KNOWS.~!!.huhu. entah lar. i have this thing with gadgets. haha. im really bad in electronic stuffs.. i think im a jinx in it.haha. =)). when i think that i already make a decision of buying a blackberry bold 9700, tiba2 rase nk iphone gak. can i have both?haha. gile tamak. aduiii. =((. arghh. kn best if im rich enough to buy on my own. i will buy both.. but im not there yet. arghh. bile nk jadi doctor ni.. =)). still alot of steps to take..
apart from that, i have this thing with colours.haha. OMG~!!! arghhh.. i love love love love love iphone casing. it is so so so so so so so so so so cute... =((. arghhh..but im really scared of using iphone. kurang tahan lasak.haha. my phone slalu jatuh. so i need to buy phone yg can leh last longer abit.. xsanggup nk tukar hp stiap tahun.. =((

wondering..=)

where should i start? hurmm, my peeps that keep updating with me will know the story about things that had happened to me this past few days. maybe yesterday, i was so pissed off, humiliated, embarrassed, felt stupid, betrayed and miserable but now, im recovering.. i can even put a big smile on my face without needing to fake it. sorry u guys, i smiled fakely the other day. i was just so moody at that time. so, it was beyond my control. jawahir will know better what im facing for this past few days. but hey, as i told up there earlier, im recovering. im more stronger now.huhu. thanks you guys for all the supports and advises.i really do appreciated it. =)).

in my entire life, i never met this type of people, who can make others laugh easily and can also make others easily cry. arghhh.. nevermind, im learning to forgive you actually. like Syan said, when im angry, i tend to merepek, mncarut and even exaggerate about stuffs sometimes. thats is why i post this new entry one day after. if not.hahaha, im scared that person will feel sad.

i cannot judge you, your my new friend. maybe thats the way you treat others, just like you treat me. but there's some do's and don'ts that you have to know when you mingling with gals. you need to stop doing this sweet stuffs to gals.girls easily attracted to that. i know its my fault too. i should actually put this one barrier in front of me when im chatting, fb or do anything with you since you've told me that gals are easily fallen for you. yeah, i should do that in the first place. i know, but i didnt i guess.

and for your information, i hate that you count how many gals that had already confessed to you. OMG. please lar.who do you think you are ?do you think gals are cheap? arghhh.. and i hate you're acting cool as if you've done nothing wrong. aihh..entah lar. nak kutuk lebih2 kat dlm post ni takut u sedey plak. hurmm. for what i know, i like you since your good in making me smile. im learning to smile again without you by my side. maybe i can kutuk you in front of my friends and all, but who am i to do that? i had never met you yet pun. so, how can i kutuk you lebih2 right?

p/s: im a person that can easily forgive and forget even if it hurts. =). and seriously, im wondering that, do you have any feelings for me. haha. ntah lar. maybe we should just leave it hanging there.

humiliated, embarrass.. =(

its so like him. =)

f : dude..
m : owwhhh boyy.. i hereby giving you permission to like me.. (pheeeww)

f : cannn ( gulp) caannn i reallly likeee youuu?? but, wouldnt it feel weird and make you feel bad?
m : well, i am surprised and i do feel strange.. ( buat2 mcm cool gile..) but, its not a bad thing...

f : (tears flowing down her face..) Are you sure that you wont be troubled by me liking you??
m : gal.., i am someone that is love by numerous people. thats what i do for living.. it wont trouble me at all to let you join as a fan in one of my million fan clubs... ( muke xleh blah, bngga smcm...) That's the sort of person i am..

stop thinking ~

im constantly thinking about him lately,can i stop doing so. its really hurting me deep down inside. i even cry more often lately. why is this happening to me? is it so hard to feel being in love? i just want someone to love me.thats all, sometimes in life fancy things, branded clothes and expensive materials do not bring the same kind of happiness that you will get as in feeling in love. if i could recall it, it has been approximately two years i've been single. maybe, certain people would say, " hey, whats wrong in being single? you should have fun while it last". yeah. its nice to hear that, you can actually flirt around and all. but sampai bile? i miss being taken care off. i miss being pampered. i miss someone saying to me i love you every single day. maybe, im being insecured to wanting to feel this way. arghhh, i do envy people thats in love because i couldnt get to feel it..=(.

p/s: im a moron to love someone like you, im trying to stop here ( because i know its a good thing for both of us )

me and him.=))

the picture says it all. hahaha. dat funny annoying kiwi draw this for me tonite. aint it funny.hilarious i would say. me, as the annoying orange KENTUT at my annoying kiwi..

hahahaha. sengal gile.. and he said, he will still put a smiley face~!, so sweeeeetttt.. =P

p/s: about the dude yg i mrah in my last post was a mistake i guess. tue lar. perasaan trlebih. dats not actually meant for me.haha. so, i wouldnt have to feel guilty and sorry for that guy. =))

please don't tell me~

the other day, i've posted something about someone being unaware that i already fallen for that someone. suddenly, out of nowhere, a person that i would call it as "bestfren" ask me. is it me?arghh.. i was shocked with his action. i dont really know what to say. maybe, we are close as bf and gf but im really sorry to tell you this that i cant.. i dont feel anything. seriously, i dont. if you are awared that sometimes, you do talked about other girls. and to be franked. sikit pn xde jealousy inside my heart. i even try to give you some tips on how to tackle the gal. aihh. sbar je lar.hurmm. i also dont like you to write something in ym that you love me. please lar. i dont like it. =(

alhamdulillah~!!-

for starters i would like to praise ALLAH for what GOD has given to me. im trully bless by him. im really thankful to him for what he has given to me. he's given me a good health, good family, good friends and most of all that God never tends to forget me. im a human being. sometimes when im happy i tend to forget you, God but you will always find ways for me to come back to you. i don't really give you enough of my zikir, solat sunat and wajib and so on. even so, you always help me when im in trouble and when i just don't have the strength to move on.

thanks again~ for my results. =))

someone.. =(

arrgghh.. it is really bugging me now. hurmm. that person that i like for now is going to post something about he's special someone.hurmm. im doubting its he's mom or dad he's reffering this to. hurmm.. =(. and obviously, im doubting its me... hurmm. im really scared now. hurmm.stupid but yeah im scared now. he's going to post something that he dedicates it to whom he called it as he's "very" special someone this weekend. arghh.. i really really wanna read it so badly now. spare me with my curiosity.at least if i feel sad and miserable, it will only happen now. and i dont have to wait until he posts that thing..arghh.

p/s : im bad in waiting.. and curiosity really bites me off my ass~! =(

if i could tell u these few words of mine...

i would tell you how much i adore u... how much you make me feel safe and secure.. how much i would like to text you every mins of it.. how much i would like to tell u how i feel about you.. how many times in a day that i often think of you.. but, things do not seem to move on that way anymore.. maybe its me.. but maybe its you.. maybe we just grow together as friends.. maybe that is how you actually feel about me for this past few days of us being friends...

you asked me, do i like being friends with you.. i said yes.. because u make me smile and laugh all the time.. but, u did not take it in a positive way.. maybe its hard for you.. maybe its hard for both of us.. if i could just erase all the moments of us doing things together, I WOULD.. even if i never get the chance to know you..

i barely think of other things lately, most of it was about you.. seriously, i hate being in love.. love that i only feel it.. i should just learn to let you go, bit by bit.. until i will not search for you anymore.. maybe that is the best for us..

learning to close my heart.. =*(

~i would like to be a leaf floating in the river, not knowing where it might take me to~

hols~!!! =DD

i fall.. i fall.. without any sign.. i fall.. fallen for someone that i dun think would fall for me.. it happens starting from CNY i guess.. yes.. we both had this wonderful conversation in the ym.. we did WC. It was fun while it lasted.. things happen so fast, until my days is only to chat wif him. he makes me happy.. its actually hard to explain about this feelings. but, apparently, its really hard for me to make him fall for me. i think i should put this barrier in front of me.. so, that i would not always want him to make me happy.. he's goin away this year.. goin overseas.. i cant stand being wif someone thats really far away from me.. =(

my CNY HOLS

my heart is fill with sadness.. my phone rosak...need to buy a new one.hurmm.. only god knows how sad am i.hurmm.. my dad said buy new one urself.hurmm.. i tot of changing new one after dpt result this sem.hurmm.. but it seems that it wouldnt allow me to do that.hurmm..sdeynye.. and i really ade conflicts with my parents.hurmm. sad as it is.. spjg ari sdey. cant stop crying.hurmm..