everythings change

today, is the first day. starting of the new me. im trying to change here, from thinking that often about you to what should i study later on. from talking about you that often to just keep quiet and find something else that can amuse me. i feel so lonely. no one to give me morning calls, no one to text me, ym me or even video call me anymore. yeahh, i will miss that. funny, how life is. its hard for you to get the one person that you really love. but, its okay. i believe in destiny. like you said, i shouldnt wait for you. its okay. i will not. i will try to live my life in a different way from now on, as if you never existed in mine. thinking of you always bring tears to me. maybe, its because i always think of you as more than just a friend. but, i dont think you feel that way. i dont know how i will feel after one month or two. after this feeling has faded away, i will try to tegur you. if i have the guts lar. i dont think i can. there's too many memories that i need to erase from my days of knowing you. you always think of others, but you did not consider my feelings about this one. maybe, you felt to guilty. its okay. i promise myself not to put you in that position anymore. who am i to do that right.

i will miss all the days we spent together chatting and video calls. from now on, i dont have to wait for you to come back home and to video call. there will be no one singing while playing guitar for me anymore. its okay, it will only be a memory after this. slowly, slowly i will erase it. loving you is the hardest thing i ever did.

funny, i never give up on you. confessing to you, making fool of myself so that you will like me. approach to u as in i xtahu malu langsung. but, its okay. trying to get you to fall in love with me was the hardest lar. i never fall in love with a guy that i never even met yet. your the first and i hope the last. i even dream of marrying you one day. it will only be a dream lar from now one.

i hope my days will go by fast. i hate feeling sad all the time, feeling like to cry. i hope this feeling will fade away fast. please please Allah help me. orang dah xnak kat kite. kite patut lupekan dia.
maybe there's a silver lining beneath all that had happened here.

p/s: im really glad that i met you, even it is only for awhile. :)
your good in making me smile, hope you will never forget me. :)

it bleeds again.

my heart bleeds again. maybe this is permanent.

note to self : never to get attach to anyone. you might hurt yourself.